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The end of a date is where momentum either builds — or quietly disappears.
Most people focus on the beginning.
Some focus on what happens during.
But very few pay attention to how they close.
And that’s often where confidence shows most clearly.
Download the full PDF of the Professional Matchmaker's Guide to Dating - Issue 1
If you enjoyed the date, say it.
“I had a really nice time tonight.”
It sounds simple, but many people avoid being clear because they’re trying to protect themselves.
Clear communication reduces uncertainty.
Research in communication science shows that ambiguity often creates more discomfort than directness.
“Ambiguous messages can increase uncertainty and relational anxiety.” — Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
Source: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407514525882
Clarity feels mature.
And maturity is attractive.
There’s an old dating myth that says you should wait to follow up.
You don’t need a stopwatch.
If you had a good time, sending a message that evening or the next day is normal.
Something like:
“I enjoyed tonight. I’m glad we did that.”
That doesn’t feel eager.
It feels grounded.
Playing hard to get rarely builds trust.
Consistency does.
Instead of:
“We should do this again sometime.”
Try:
“Would you be open to dinner next week?”
Specific plans create real momentum.
Vague plans create maybe.
And “maybe” is where good connections drift.
Not every date leads somewhere.
And that’s fine.
What matters is how you handle it.
Instead of disappearing, consider something like:
“I really appreciated meeting you, but I don’t think this is the right fit for me. I wish you the best.”
Research on social rejection suggests that unclear endings are often harder to process than clear ones.
“Uncertainty following rejection can intensify distress compared to clear rejection.” — American Psychological Association (rejection research summary)
Source: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/01/rejection
Clarity can feel uncomfortable — but it’s respectful.
Two endings.
Version A:
“Text me when you get home.”
Then silence for two days.
Version B:
“I had a great time tonight.”
Later:
“Made it home — I’d like to see you again.”
Which one feels confident?
Which one feels uncertain?
Momentum is often lost in hesitation, not incompatibility.
Confidence isn’t pressure.
It’s:
Expressing interest without forcing outcome
Following up without chasing
Accepting silence without spiraling
Being direct without being dramatic
It feels steady.
Steady wins.
When we coach clients, this is often where we make the smallest but most powerful adjustments.
Not changing personality.
Just refining:
Tone
Timing
Directness
Emotional steadiness
Often that’s the difference between confusion and clarity.
And clarity changes everything.
Should I text the same night or wait?
Either is fine. What matters is that it feels natural, not strategic.
What if I’m unsure whether they liked the date?
You can still express how you felt. Their response will tell you what you need to know.
Is it too forward to suggest the next date right away?
Not if the energy was positive. Clear is confident.
What if they don’t respond to my follow-up?
That’s information. Let it be information.
Is ghosting ever acceptable?
It’s common, but clarity is almost always more respectful.
How do I avoid sounding desperate?
Keep your tone calm, simple, and direct.
Ending well is about leaving things clean.
Clear signals.
Calm follow-up.
No games.
When you close confidently, you don’t just increase your chances.
You increase your peace.
Love & Matchmaking is led by Destin Pfaff and Rachel Federoff, professional matchmakers with extensive experience working with relationship-focused clients, including public-facing work on Millionaire Matchmaker, which informs a thoughtful, discreet, and compatibility-driven approach to matchmaking.
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